Job's First Day In Heaven...... Contd

This is the concluding part of the Job's story written by my hilarious friend Timi Price. Read, enjoy and share.........


"Very well," the LORD told Satan, "everything he owns is in your power. However, you must not lay a hand on Job himself." So Satan left the LORD's presence. 

Holman Christian Standard Bible, Jobs 1:12

“Take it easy, Job. There is a very small explanation for this. Trust me” God said.

“God allowed Satan to test your faith” Jesus said

“J-E-S-U-S!” God called out his name.

“Dad, no use ripping the bandage slowly. The wound has healed” Jesus defended himself

“It’s not in your place to say, son!” God said

“What is Bandage” Job asked.

“Its something that was invented, thousands of years later to prevent infections. You’ll understand that later, it’s a future innovation” God said

“From what Jesus is saying, you knew Satan was gonna destroy my life and you allowed it.”

“Hang on, Job! Don’t be like this. I allowed him touch everything you own asides your life. Technically, your life was secure throughout” God said

“You gambled with my life?” Job asked.

“It was a calculated bet, you would win anyways” God said

“You knew I would win” Job inquired, with a look of absolute befuddlement.

“Yes, I knew. You know, with me being ALPHA & OMEGA, The beginning and the end, OMNIPRESENT and OMNIPOTENT, those abilities come in highly needed.” God said

“Like how I know, there will be Youtube, and you’ll see a lot of funny cat videos. When you settle in, I will show you a couple of cat videos, and this funny black lady that I saved from a fire, then goes aint-nobody-gat-time-fo-that. You’ll love Youtube, Job… You’ll crack up.”

“Youtube, videos, aint-nobody-gat-time-fo-dat. What are those?” Job asked

“They’re all future things, thousands of years before they come to pass. You should try to keep up better next time because aint-nobody-gat-time-fo-dat” God said cracking up.

Jesus joined in, those videos are really hilarious dad, can’t get enough of them. Its what we’ve been watching, after the morning praise session.

“Can we come back to me right now? My travails and the fact that you allowed it” Job spoke as it seems, God and Jesus were having laughs about something he had no idea about.

“Okay Job, Come’on, don’t be such a killjoy. I know the plans I had for you even before you were born from your mother’s womb” God said

Jesus nodded in approval to God’s last sentence.

“What is a killjoy?” Job asked a rhetorical question

“Don’t tell me! Someone who tries to bring down the mood” Job said

God and Jesus nodded in agreement as angels flew down and handed out smoothies to all 3 having the conversation.

God and Jesus sucked the straw a decent amount of the juice. Job observed both father and son enjoy whatever it is the angels just delivered.

“Job, you gotta try this drink out. It will B-L-O-W Y-O-U-R M-I-N-D” Jesus said

“Another product from the future right” Jesus replied nodding consecutively not willing to stop sipping the smoothie just to answer Job’s rhetorical question.

“Job, ever since I and Jesus started drinking these smoothies, it has changed our lives forever.” God said

Job gave a strong stare, they both removed the straw from their mouth.

“God, why are you speaking like this?”

“That’s the accent of black people from the future. Everything is funny how they say it.” God replied.

“I did everything you wanted me to do, I dedicated my life and family to your will.” Job said

“And I know, and everyone appreciates your sacrifice. Look all around you, you’re in heaven now” God said, massaging Job’s shoulders.

“It all happened back there Job, it’s in the past now” Jesus said.

“How about my family, they are dead” Job said

“Yea, they’re dead but they’re here.”

God said, “Please can the Jobs come out, Daddy is here”

What God said reverberated around the heavens, everyone gathered around the scene now. Abraham, David, the angels and the council of elders.

From a distance, the door of a mansion opened, and Job’s family came out running down the street to meet Job where he stood.

Tears streamed down Job’s eyes, as he once again was reunited with his family, God then whispered into his ears the following.

For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the LORD, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end.

The heavens were in jubilation as Job once again reunited with his family, the festivities of Job’s arrival was close, the time for feast was near.

God and Jesus watched Job and his family share 1001 kisses, the laughter in the face of the children was un-measurable.

God faced Jesus and told him “The end of a matter is better than its beginning; a patient spirit is better than a proud spirit.”

“You’re right, Dad!” Jesus said.

“You must start preparing Jesus, your part in this will begin soon.” God said

They both continued watching and sipping their smoothie.