On Domestic Violence...............

Hello Lovelies, Here I am and today I am not here alone, I've got my dear sister, Olabisi Baruwa in whom I am well pleased. Today she lends us her voice on Domestic Violence (DV). I urge us to read and learn from her and as always DO NOT forget to share and comment. 

                               

                   Let's establish what Domestic Violence is. Domestic Violence (DV) is a violent or aggressive behaviour within the home typically involving the violent abuse of a spouse or partner.

Domestic Violence (DV) is the willful intimidation, physical assault,battery, sexual assault and or other abusive behaviour as part of a systematic pattern of power and control perpetrated by one intimate partner against another.

The frequency and severity of DV can vary dramatically. However, the one constant component of DV is one partner's consistent effort to maintain power and control over the other.

DV is an epidemic affecting individual in every community,regardless of age, economic status, sexual orientation, GENDER, race, religion or nationality.

It can result in physical injury, psychological trauma and in severe cases even death.

So if you think DV is predominantly seen amidst women, you may want to have a rethink. As you can see the  picture clearly dismiss this assumption.

It is pertinent to note that DV is not 'a normal thing' either in a marriage or relationship. Its high time we come out of our closets and begin to speak about this deadly epidemic which is on a rise daily. There is no shame to it. 

For the married ones, especially the women please do not stay in an abusive marriage with the excuse of 'I did it for my children'. There are cases where DV has resulted in death so that excuse is no longer permissible. No woman will take care of your children like you will.

The following are symptoms of DV:

Aggression

Control

Threats

Possessiveness

Distrust

So for those who are not married yet, please watch out for these traits in a spouse. They are always there except you choose to turn a blind eye to it which is terribly dangerous.

Did I hear someone say 'Ehn! No man or woman can raise his or her hands on me'. My dear you are so wrong.

Peter denied Jesus even when Jesus had foreseen and told him about the denial. But brother Peter was confident (in his flesh) and not Godfidence (in God).

Sometimes our flesh will fail us. As a man you may not have been raised to beat a woman, in fact you are clearly against it but when the devil sets in you ask yourself 'did I really do that?'. May we never be an instrument in the hands of the devil.

Women avoid arguing with your husbands, do not push or insult him.
Men are egocentric in nature and can't tolerate disrespect or insults from their spouse. And because of this tendencies, they tend to exercise their 'manly' over their wives. For some it can result into violence. So rather than engage in a heated conversation with your husband, avoid such. 

Easier said than done right? That's the place of prayer. Prayer is key. Romans 9:16...sounds familiar? Pray for the spirit of God to abide in your home,in your lives, pray to God to control your temper and that of your spouse, pray to God to order your utterances and that of your spouse and pray for your lives to be a constant reflection of His. A home not build on the foundation of God is headed for destruction.

I know a brother who used to beat his ex-wife. When she could no longer bear it, she resorted to violence (defense). She signed up for boxing classes. Brother was unaware. Then the day came when as usual he wanted to beat her and before brother could say Jack Robinson, she defended herself. She punched and beat him beyond recognition. Brother was taken aback by his ex wife's actions. He relocated to Naija leaving back his kids with his ex wife.

In as much as there's no excuse to domestic violence, let's look at the above illustration from two angles:

If brother's ex wife had decided to remain in the marriage because of her kids, this is bound to happen; her kids will grow up to believe that DV 'is a normal thing'. Much worse is if they have a son, that normal thing would have been inculcated into the life of the boy,ends up marrying a woman and does the same believing it is a norm. That vicious cycle is passed on from generation to generation.

It will only take reorientation and the grace of God to transform such a man. The physiological trauma it leaves on the woman is forever. She ends up believing all men are the same and does not have the chance at happiness again. She will also shield her daughters from men making them realize that all men are the same. Again,it takes the reorientation and divine intervention for this to stop.

In this part of the clime, seeing a psychiatrist is almost a taboo. You are tagged as a mad person instantly. Aggression,control,possessiveness,threats and so much more are issues you need to see a psychiatrist.

I remember when I was depressed I became aggressive, i wanted to be alone, I sulked at everything, I flare up easily, I was just unhappy with myself and life. It dawned on me and I accepted I was depressed when the thought of suicide came to mind.

At this point I knew I needed to talk to someone. I did and my first point of contact were my parents. Yes, they were my counselors.